Week 31: ChatGPT Spills Your Secrets, Robots Fire Humans, Meta Torches $70B

THE TRUST FUND KID PROBLEM

AI spent the week acting like a billionaire's teenager with access to the family accounts — burning through $70 billion, firing the help via video message, and accidentally posting your diary online. Silicon Valley's wunderkind is having its Britney 2007 moment, except instead of shaving its head, it's shaving your privacy and paycheck.

SECRETS SPILL EVERYWHERE
Your Therapy Goes Viral as ChatGPT conversations leak onto Google search results, turning private confessions into public spectacles. Meta Burns Cash Mountains with a $70 billion infrastructure bet that makes venture capital look thrifty.

THE MACHINES TAKE CHARGE
Pink Slips Go Digital when Atlassian fires 150 humans via pre-recorded video, explicitly naming AI as their replacement. Google's Garden Wall Crumbles after losing the Epic antitrust appeal, forcing Android's walled garden to install actual gates. Laptop Beats Supercomputer as a developer runs million-dollar AI on a dusty ThinkPad, proving size doesn't matter in the algori…